Super Morton Crazy Time Happiness
by abstow89
Summary: Iggy gives Morton Koopa Jr. a pill that will greatly increase his power and make him invincible. The only problem is that there are many, many, many, many...many side effects.
1. The Pill

**Super Morton Crazy Time Happiness**

**Summary: **Morton Koopa Jr. has a hilariously crazy day.

**The Pill**

"How the hell did you get shot bro?" asked Iggy, sitting next to his brother in the hospital.

"That asshole Mario started jumping on me, then he suddenly pulled out a gun and shot me. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?!"

"Yeah, well that's why I invented this red pill."

"What is it?"

"It's like steroids and morphine times 12. I'm pretty sure if you take this pill, you'll be invincible for the next 24 hours. Just don't use the power too much or…"

"Or what?"

"I don't know; I never tested it on anyone yet. Anyway, here you go."

**12:30 a.m.**

Morton Koopa Jr. was overlooking the Mario Bros. house holding the red pill in his hand, tossing it up and down.

"Well, here goes."

Morton tossed the pill in his mouth and swallowed it, waiting to feel something. Suddenly his brain was rushed with an intense amount of energy and his pupils grew so wide they covered his eyes, as though he were a shark who just inhaled way too much blood. If that wasn't enough, his muscles grew nearly three times in length and he literally was invincible. Morton ran towards Mario's house, panting and snarling loudly like some rabid dog. Morton rang his doorbell, getting into attacking position, waiting for Mario to come by the door.

"Hey, who's there?" asked Mario.

Morton immediately jumped on Mario and started tearing him apart, ripping off his face and basically beating the crap outta him.

"You gonna shoot me now bitch?!!" yelled Morton.

He started punching Mario in the head over and over and over again until his head was smashed into the floorboard.

"Hey, Mario! What's going on?!"

Morton jumped off Mario and pounced on Luigi, ripping out his spine with his bare claws. Then he started to jump up and down on his head until it was nothing more than bones and blood.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE GETTING JUMPED ON BITCH?!!"

**7:30 a.m.**

Morton arrived back inside Iggy's laboratory, along with Roy and Lemmy.

"It worked! HA HA! It worked, it worked, IT WORKED!!" shouted Morton.

"Seriously? Uh--I mean…yeah. Of course it worked."

"Yeah! I ran down to the house and I was all like 'BANG! BANG! BANG!' on his door and he opened it and then the 'CRRCK! SPLAT!' WHOOO!!!! It was awesome!! Awesome--it was fuckin' awesome!!" yelled Morton.

"Whoa Morton! Chill out!" said Roy.

Morton made a wheezy laugh and snarled at Roy.

"Dude, your breath smells horrible."

Morton stood there twitching constantly and shaking violently, like he drank 127 shots of Brazilian coffee.

"Um…are there any side effects to this pill?" asked Lemmy.

"Effects on the side to the byde to the clyde! APPLE PIE!!"

"There shouldn't be."

"What do you mean by 'shouldn't' Iggy?" asked Lemmy.

"I never invented it. I just took it from dad's chamber."

"Holy shit! Dad is using pills like this?!"

"Yeah, I snuck in his bathroom and just grabbed this bag full of red pills."

"And you've absolutely no idea what it does?"

"Nope."

**7:47 a.m.**

"Aw, shit!"

"What Iggy?" said Roy.

"I found the list of side-effects."

"Let me see that. I'm sure there can't be too many--aw, shit!"

Roy, Lemmy, and Iggy stared at a list containing nearly 149 side-effects. They practically just OD'd Morton.

"Jesus Christ, Morton has all of this?!"

"Let's see: Severe anger/anxiety?" said Iggy.

"NOBODY TOUCH ME OR I'LL STAB YOU IN THE FUCKIN' FOOT!!!" yelled Morton.

"Check. Dry throat and unquenched thirst?"

Morton dunked his head into a tank of water, lapping it up like crazy.

"Check. Halitosis?"

Lemmy was plugging his nose as Morton panted heavily next to him.

"That's a definite check!"

"Can we just skip down to the stuff he doesn't have?" asked Roy.

"Extreme bowel movements…yeah, he ain't got that."

"_Yet _is the key word."

"Uncontrollable gas."

Morton belched loud enough to break one of Iggy's beakers. "HA!"

Iggy sighed. "Check."

"Y'know what? Fuck the checklist. The only way we can keep him from blowing up a zoo or somethin' is if we keep him secluded in here."

"Well that's gonna be a problem seeing as he just jumped out the window." said Lemmy.

Roy, Iggy, and Lemmy looked out the castle windows to see Morton jumping around and running like an idiot.

"Goddamnit!"

**11:06 a.m.**

Morton Koopa Jr. ran to a nearby morning diner and kicked open the door.

"HELLO BITCHES!! Gimme some eggs!"

"What up with you Morton?" asked a koopatrol.

Morton punched him in the face and rushed up to the waiter koopa.

"Gimme some eggs! Now, now, now, now! Eggs bitch! EGGS!!"

"Calm the fuck down!"

Morton kicked the waiter in the groin and laughed wildly as he rushed to the grill in the back.

"YES! Eggs, meat--steak, steak, steak--YES!!!" sputtered Morton.

Morton started taking all the meat off the grill and stuffing it in his mouth, barely even bothering to chew at all. Then he dunked his head in a pot full of chili and started slurping it all up. Normally, it'd burn his face off. But like Iggy said, he just OD'd on a pill that has the effects of steroids and morphine times 12.

"Morton what the fuck are you--"

Morton started burping in the koopatrol's face repeatedly.

"Man, your breath stinks! Stop that!"

The koopatrol punched Morton twice in the face and he wound up hurting his hand.

"Morton feels no pain. NO PAIN FOR MORTON!!!"

Morton grabbed the koopatrol's wrist and broke it in seven places.

"OOWW, THAT FUCKING HURTS!!!!"

Morton flipped the koopatrol over and sat on his face. Then he started violently farting in his mouth and nose, suffocating him until he eventually died.

"HA! I KILL WITH FARTS!!"

"Will someone call animal control!" yelled the waiter.

**11:34 a.m.**

Roy, Iggy, and Lemmy were taking cover behind a tipped over table along with the rest of the koopa troopas at the diner. Morton was going on a rampage and randomly throwing things and causing as much chaos to the diner as much as he could.

"It's okay Morton! Just put down the frying pan and no one--"

Iggy yelled when Morton threw the pan at his head and laughed wildly.

"Get the pan in the fran--Sam--Pam--damn--JIMMY CRACKED CORN AND I DON'T CARE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"What the fuck did you do to him?!?!!" shouted the waiter.

"It's not our fault! My dad had the pills! I didn't do anything!" protested Iggy.

Morton started growling and spit and slobber was sputtering out his mouth. He started panting heavily again.

"MORTON IS GOD! I AM GOD!"

Morton's stomach suddenly growled and he muttered, "Morton feels sick now…" and vomited all over the place.

"Oh, look, another side effect: Vomiting." said Lemmy.

"Is that good or not?" asked the waiter.

Morton screamed so loudly one of the windows cracked. Then he started dancing goofily while muttering, "This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!"

"Is that a side-effect?" asked the waiter.

"Actually, it is." said Iggy.

"Candy! I NEED CANDY! CANDY--MORTON NEEDS CANDY--COOKIES!! AAAHHH!!!!!"

Morton Koopa Jr. suddenly zoomed out the window and started running on all fours through the forest. Iggy and his brothers could only stare at each other at what they've done.

"Guys are we going to Hell?" asked Lemmy.

"Let's see, we drugged our brother which led to the deaths of two people and a koopa, assaults on other koopas, and the destruction of a diner. Yes, Lemmy, we are going to Hell."


	2. Candy Shop

**Candy Shop**

Morton kicked open the door of the candy store, drooling like a maniac and breathing heavily.

"Hey, Morton! How's it going?" asked the owner of the shop.

"Where's my motherfuckin' candy?" he growled.

"Uh…what?"

Morton grabbed a chair and tossed it at the shop owner's head, then laughed wildly.

"What the fuck are you--"

Morton chucked a spiky shell at the koopa, knocking him into unconsciousness. Morton jumped over the counter and started shoving all the sugary sweetness and other goodness down his throat, barely chewing any of it at all. Morton started to rapidly hop up and down and run all over the store, kicking over anything he could find. He stopped running when he found this gigantic bag of powdered sugar and just poured it all in his mouth. Morton yelled,

"POUR SOME SUGAR ON MORTON!! HA HA!!!"

"Dude, what the fuck happened to Morton?" asked a koopa.

* * *

"We have to call Dad." concluded Roy.

"NO! No! Dad cannot find out that we drugged--"

"That YOU drugged--" added Lemmy.

"Shut up! You were there, you didn't stop me, so that makes you an accessory to murder!"

"What--When the fuck was someone murdered?" asked Roy.

"Sorry, I was up last night watching CSI so I know all about this murder and shit, but anyways THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!"

"Let's look at the bright side in this: The Mario Bros. are dead and there's only been one casualty. That's-That's a plus right?"

Iggy sighed heavily.

"I guess you're right. I mean, it's not like Morton's gone crazy; he's just OD'd on this pill."

* * *

Morton was angrily chewing on a Monty mole's ear.

"MY EAR'S NOT A GODDAMN GUMMY BEAR!!!"

"Morton eats candy! EAR IS CANDY!!" said Morton.

The Monty mole screamed again when Morton was slowly ripping off his ear.

* * *

Bowser entered the wrecked diner.

"Hey kids, what the hell happened here? Looks like a tornado hit this place!"

All the kids gulped. Should Bowser find out that one of his son's had been drugged, he'd roast 'em all alive and possibly eat the remains.

"Uh…h-hey Dad. What're you doin' here?" asked Iggy.

"I was gonna get some rotten eggs but--"

"Iggy poisoned Morton Jr. with this red pill and now we're all in trouble cause he killed someone and now you know and now we're gonna experience some physical pain--shit! I just told you everything!"

"WHAT THE FUCK LEMMY!!" shouted Roy and Iggy.

"…I have no idea what Lemmy just said, but I get the feeling it ends with me inducing physical pain on you three. But since Morton is supposedly high, let's go find him first so I can kick the shit out of all of you."

"Thanks Lemmy." said Iggy.

"No problem."

* * *

Bowser and his sons entered a candy shop that was half destroyed and had two koopas whose heads had somehow been ripped off. Morton was standing in the center of the shop, ingesting several packets of gummy worms.

"MORTON!!" shouted Bowser.

"DAD!!"

"KERFLARGLE!!""

"Lemmy shut your goddamn mouth!"

"Okay…Morton, you need to calm down."

"YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!"

"Holy shit son! Your breath stinks!!"

"Side effect." added Iggy.

"Okay, just calm down and release all your problems Morton."

"Exactly! Release--problems--bathroom--shit!!"

Morton suddenly ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Bowser and his sons heard grotesque flatulence and disgusting pooping sounds coming from it.

"Side effect?" asked Bowser.

"Side effect." said Iggy.

Morton came out of the bathroom smiling widely. Then he grabbed a box of extremely hyperactive inducing chocolates from the floor and ripped open the package.

"No, no, no." said Bowser.

"YES! YES! YES!!!" growled Morton.

"Morton! Don't you dare--!"

Morton dumped all the chocolates in his mouth and he suddenly became hyper, his pupils now filling up his whole retinas. He started jolting and sputtering random one-syllable nonsense.

"Let's just calm down…" said Lemmy.

Morton started sputtering again.

"Just take it easy…"

Morton screamed wildly again and started running past his father and his brother.

"Morton! You gotta calm down!!!" shouted Lemmy.

"Shut up! It looks like Morton's headed for the bank!" said Bowser.

"Oh, God, who knows what kind of chaos he'll cause at the Koopa International Bank of Security?"


	3. Bank Job

**Bank Job**

Morton was still running around in the fields like crazy, laughing wildly and jumping up and down in a hyper-active state. All of a sudden he started coughing and hacking violently, as though he were choking on some sort of blunt object. Morton abruptly vomited on the ground again and started breathing heavily. When he stopped to collect his breaths, his eyes turned dark green and his teeth suddenly got sharper than before. He started growling and hissing like Flippy from Happy Tree Friends, just when Flippy was starting to flip out. Morton grunted as he dug inside his shell, pulling out two MP5K submachine guns. He suddenly laughed evilly and began to walk to the Koopa International Bank of Security…

**Meanwhile…**

"Dad, what are we gonna do?!" asked Iggy.

"Hey, you guys OD'd your brother; you figure it out." said Bowser.

"But they're your pills Dad! You've been taking drugs behind our backs just to enhance your power!"

"Are you talking about those red pills in my bathroom?"

"Yeah."

"Those are laxatives!"

"WHAT!!" shouted Roy, Lemmy, and Iggy.

"We OD'd our brother on laxatives?!" asked Roy.

"Why do you guys think Morton just took a gigantic shit a couple of minutes ago?" asked Bowser.

"I thought that was a side-effect!" said Iggy.

"You can't take the laxatives unless you're constipated or else the pill's effects will backfire and could mess up your whole body!"

"I'm guessing Morton wasn't constipated…" concluded Lemmy.

"No shit Lemmy."

"But the label said they were morphine pills!!" yelled Iggy.

"Do you seriously think I feel no pain when I take a shit? Those type of laxatives make bowel movements feel like you're getting high so you don't feel anything; you're just sitting on the toilet." said Bowser.

"Dad, why do you even have a packet of laxatives in your bathroom?"

"ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?!!"

* * *

Morton entered the Koopa International Bank of Security wearing this mercenary gear and a khaki shell with spikes. He changed his appearance so that he looked like some badass mercenary koopa. Koopa International was filled to the brim with dark koopatrol units wearing red spiked shells.

"Hey, Morton. How's it goin'? Need anything?" asked a guard standing at the door.

Morton slowly turned his head towards the guard with this oddly wicked smile on his face. He was breathing heavily to the guard.

"WHEW! Besides any breath mints?" said the dark koopatrol, holding his nose.

Morton took out a knife and sliced it in the air at random, putting the knife back into his pocket. There was blood on it, but none of the other guards seemed to notice. The guard's head suddenly slid in half and fell on the floor, with blood squirting out the top.

"What the fuck?!"

Morton shot the other guard at the door several times in the stomach with his MP5K. He laughed evilly and jumped on top of a desk, cocking his submachine guns. All of the employees began to storm out of the bank while the dark koopatrol units took out their guns and started shooting at Morton. A couple of the bullets hit him in the face and chest, but due to the side-effects of the laxative, he felt no pain. Morton laughed evilly again and blasted away two dark koopatrol units with his shotgun. Then he broke another unit's arm and stabbed him twelve times in the mouth. Morton then jumped on a table and started to spin around, shooting his guns in various directions, killing most of the guards.

"Anyone else want some?" he asked.

Morton breathed heavily and looked around the bank, noticing all the guards were full of bullets…except for two. Both of the last guards were on their shells, unable to get up and avoid Morton.

"Wait…just wait a minute Morton. WAIT--!"

Morton stabbed the subdued guard in the throat and tore it out with his teeth, chewing on all of his carotid arteries. Then he growled and walked over to the other subdued koopa and stomped his head into the ground, crushing it into nothing. Morton stood on one of the counters and kicked the glass pane, revealing an accountant crouching behind the counters.

"Wh-What do you want from me?"

Morton gazed at the guard with that devilish smile still on his face. He inhaled sharply and exhaled some of the blood out of his mouth onto the guard, giggling to himself.

"I need you…to open up the vault…so I can take all of your cash."

"I-I can't--"

Morton abruptly vomited all over the koopa, coughing up some blood and inhaling sharply again.

"Open up the goddamn vault!"

"Okay."

* * *

Morton was inside of the gigantic vault, collecting thousands of bundles of money in a money sack with a dollar sign on it. The accountant that helped him open up the door was lying inside the vault…missing half of his face. Morton decided to tear it off his with claws.

"So Morton, you having fun bro?" asked Roy.

Morton grunted and turned around to see his father and three brothers inside the vault.

"Looks like you've been having a nice field day, but it's time you come with us." said Bowser.

"NO! This pill makes me immortal! See, look! LOOK!!"

Morton started shooting himself in the head, amazed that none of the bullets killed him.

"Look, that pill that you swallowed? It's a laxative." said Iggy.

"Bullshit. The packet said--"

"The laxative that you swallowed is only designed for organisms that are constipated and have problems with bowel movements. If you're not constipated those laxatives could fuck up your whole mind man." said Lemmy.

"What?! I got all this power over a goddamn laxative!" said Morton.

"Pretty much."

Morton held his head and started screaming, until he jumped off the wall and threw himself out of a bank window.

Bowser sighed. "Is there any point in chasing him anymore?"

"Well, now that I know he only swallowed laxatives, I feel a lot relieved now." said Iggy.

"He just shot up a bank and viciously killed all the guards inside; I think we should be worried." suggested Roy.

"It's acting like a drug. Sooner or later, all drugs make you feel like shit after you've taken them. We'll probably find him at some bar all depressed and drunk, hopefully passed out on the floor." said Iggy.

"What do we do until then?"

Iggy shrugged. "I dunno. Let's go watch the Super Mario Strikers game. I hear Wario's getting's his ass kicked."


	4. Sexual Healing

**Sexual Healing**

Bowser, Roy and Lemmy were still sitting on the couch watching a good match of Super Mario Strikers on the television. It seemed like they simply stopped caring about what Morton could and most likely was doing to the town. The guy already killed several people in the past several hours, he vomited all over himself, he left piles of crap all on the ground, and all in all, he was just behaving like a jackass.

"So what do you guys think Morton--?"

"Shut up Roy! I don't want to talk about it anymore!"

"Kids, what you need to understand right now is that the only way to control a fire is to let itself burn out on its own. Eventually, it'll snuff itself out and then we can go find Morton. Besides, what could he possibly be doing right now?" asked Bowser.

"Yeah. He isn't hyper anymore and his little killing spree has ceased, so we should be fine about this whole situation."

At least that's what they thought, but unfortunately…they forgot a few more side effects. Iggy rushed into the living room where his family was watching TV, panting like crazy.

"Guys, we have a serious problem!"

"What?"

"I've been reading the side-effects list and I finally realize that we need to find Morton right now!"

"Why?" asked Bowser.

"Cause the last side effect is extreme horniness and the feeling of intoxication! Do you have any idea what'll happen if a drunk, horny koopa is walking around in town?"

"So he'll jerk off in an alleyway! People do that all the time!"

"Yeah, I still do it." said Lemmy.

"…I didn't need to hear that Lemmy…" said Roy, rubbing his head after being disgusted by what Lemmy said.

"That's not the point! You guys realize that whenever Morton gets horny, he will try to have sex with anything he can find? Emphasis on the word _anything_!!" yelled Iggy.

"So he'll hump a squirrel in public. What's so bad about that?" asked Bowser.

"Yeah, I still do that." said Lemmy.

"LA LA LA LA LA!! I'm not listening to you!!" said Roy, covering his ears!

"Do you seriously want to be the father of a serial rapist just because he swallowed a goddamn laxative?!!"

"I already explained it: we gotta let the fire burn itself out. Believe me; I don't think Morton will do anything that diverts that much attention to himself."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes…really."

* * *

"C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! Ooooohhh, fuck…"

Morton was…viciously masturbating on a sidewalk in the Mushroom Kingdom, unaware (or possibly not caring) of all the pedestrians looking at him with awkward and disgusted expressions on his face. He really didn't know what led him to start the lewd act in the first place; he just looked down and…started tuggin'.

"What…the…fuck." said a Toad.

"I really feel like I should do something…but I really don't know what."

"Hey, will you stop choking the damn thing?! You're gonna yank it off!" advised a bob-omb.

But Morton simply ignored them and continued to masturbate, screaming very contently. In fact, he was doing it so hard that sperm abruptly squirted out and landed right on the bob-omb's face. It was at that point when Morton saw a blue mailbox and his lust continued to rage within him. So Morton walked up to the cold hard blue box and started rubbing it. About two minutes…two seconds later, he started humping it like a dog.

"IS ANYONE GOING TO CALL THE COPS!!!?"

* * *

"Guys, I just got off the cellphone with my friends and um…" started Roy.

"What?"

"He said he saw a koopa jerkin' off in public and started humping the shit out of a mailbox."

"See?! What's I tell you Dad?!" said Iggy.

"Maybe it was just some other koopa?" suggested Bowser.

"My friend also said this koopa had a birthmark that looked like a star on his face."

"Fuck."

* * *

Morton had just busted down Peach's door to her castle and strolled into her room, but not before killing all of the guards he encountered. He was inside of this dark room that smelled like creamy perfume and flowers, as opposed to his room, which smells like dirty socks and ass. The carpet underneath his toes felt like luscious clouds and the lighting perched on the wall were actually lit candles, which would explain the fragrance.

"Wow…this is beautiful."

"Who said that?" said Peach, appearing from her balcony.

She looked the same as always: gold crown on her head, blond hair running down her back, frilly pink dress on, white gloves swathed on her hands.

"Goddamnit Bowser! What the hell do you want now?"

"I'm not Bowser…" stated Morton, slowly walking his way to the gorgeous princess.

"Oh, you're one of his sons, that Morton guy. Wait a second, what the fuck are _you _doing in my castle?!"

Morton punched Peach in the face and put his right foot on her chest so she wouldn't be able to get back up.

"Alright, let's make this very clear: I'm horny. I mean like…extremely horny; I just got done fucking a mailbox. It wasn't until I realized that my dick was touching cold metal and not warm flesh that I realized I wasn't banging a female…or any animal at that."

"What does that have to do with me?!"

"See, you're gonna perform the Koopa Dub-Hands 'n' Mouth maneuver for me. Basically, you shove your hand up my ass while simultaneously giving me a blowjob."

"You want me to suck your dick while putting my hand up your ass?"

"Unless you want me to rape you. Either one works for me!" said Morton, smiling.

Peach groaned loudly with a disgusting look on her face. She was shocked at how easily she had succumbed to Morton and was forced to do one of these vulgar acts. Not even Bowser managed to get Peach to willingly agree to a sex act like this.

She whimpered and slowly opened up her mouth and moved her hand near Morton's butt. Then she placed her mouth around his penis and began to suck on it, while shoving her hand up Morton's butt.

"That's right! Suck it bitch!"

Morton screamed when Peach actually bit down on his penis, leaving her teeth marks on it.

"I said suck it, not bite it!"

From that point on, Peach just continued to suck away until Morton was fully satisfied enough from her performance.

"All right, that's good enough. You can take your hand out my ass now."

Peach stopped sucking his penis and opened up her mouth, gasping for air and licking the carpet to get the taste out of her mouth. She also tried to remove her hand, but for some extremely odd reason, it wouldn't budge. She grunted with effort twice as she struggled to remove it, but nothing happened.

"Um…I think my hand's stuck…" said Peach meekly.

"What?!"

"My hand's stuck in your anus Morton! I can't get it out!"

"Are you fu--?"

Morton grabbed Peach's hand himself and began to fiercely yank it out of his own butt. Every time he did, he felt massive pain in his pelvic region and his viscera. Peach must've really jammed that thing in there!

"I CAN'T GET IT OUT!!"

"Goddamnit!"

"What the fuck did you do?! I just asked you to stick your hand in there; I didn't say to yank out my goddamn intestines through my ass!"

"Well, you weren't specific!"

"I don't have to be specific! There's a limit when it comes to sticking things into holes!"

"Let me try again real quick…"

Peach gave it another shot to pull her hand out, but Morton stopped her when he screamed again.

"Shit! I think that was bowels!"

"Really?"

"You stupid fucking bitch! You got your hand in my fucking stomach! How fucking stupid do you have to be to lodge your hand all the way into my stomach?!"

"You said stick my hand up your ass; I stuck my hand up in your ass!"

"Shut the fuck up! …Give me your cellphone."

"Why?"

"I gotta call my Dad."

"NO!! Do you have any idea how embarrassing this'll be if people find out I gave you a Koopa Dub-Hands 'n' Mouth?"

"You know how embarrassing it'll be if I die because a princess stuffed a hand up my ass and my bowels were ruptured?!"

* * *

Bowser, Lemmy, Iggy, and Roy entered Peach's room and saw the position Peach and Morton were in. It was kinda unenviable to see the two like that; it ain't everyday when you see a koopa with a hand up his ass.

"I realize this looks awkward." Morton muttered meekly.

"No shit! You got a hand stuck up your ass!" said Lemmy.

"Why did you call us again?"

"I can't get it out! This bitch jammed it so far in that my butt must've started swallowing it and now it's stuck!"

The six occupants remained silent for several minutes, listening to the crickets chirping outside. They had absolutely no idea what they should do.

"…Am I supposed to laugh or throw up?" asked Bowser.

"Okay, there's a real easy way to fix this." said Roy.

"How?"

"We give Morton a laxative! Sooner or later he'll just crap the hand back out!"

Everyone veered their heads to Roy and looked at his with anger in their eyes.

"What?"

"THAT'S WHAT STARTED THIS WHOLE THING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!" screamed Iggy.

"Fuck this." said Bowser.

He walked over to Peach and violently lashed his claws at her arm, severing it so Morton was free of her hand and was no longer stuck anymore. Peach on the other hand, was lying on the floor with blood streaming out of her arm, screaming.

"You cut off my fucking arm!"

"I don't care. I really don't care anymore. Maybe if you'd stopped being a bitch and found a way for me to no longer capture you anymore, I would've have had to do that."

* * *

Morton and his family were walking through the woods getting back to Bowser's castle, still trying to drag the severed hand out of Morton's rectum.

"Guys, when is this pill going to ware off?" asked Morton.

"Do you have the need to engage in sexual activities?" asked Iggy.

"No."

"Then you're fine now. Except for the symptom of being drunk, but you'll just feel drowsy when that side effect takes place."

Morton suddenly fell flat on his stomach, groaning in a sluggish manner and burping a little bit. Judging by the blank stare in his eyes, Morton was wasted.

"So what did we learn today boys?" asked Bowser.

Morton responded by hiccupping and expelling a few bubbles from his mouth.

"Um…well I learned not to do drugs." said Lemmy.

"But Morton didn't do drugs; he did laxatives." Roy pointed out.

"Besides, my overall goal was for Morton to kill the Mario Bros. and that's exactly what he did." said Iggy.

"Wait…if he killed the Mario Bros. then shouldn't it be a good thing that he took the laxative pill?" asked Bowser.

"…Yeah?" said Iggy, uneasily.

"…I don't really…know what we learned here today…" said Lemmy.

Everyone stared at the intoxicated Morton Koopa Jr., not knowing what they should say next.

"Let's just go home."

**Morale: Um…don't do…laxatives? Sure, let's go with that. Don't do laxatives.**


End file.
